I don’t often air my beef with the world on here because I don’t like conflict and I’m a terrible debater… But sometimes, something comes along that I’m so passionate about, I just can’t let it go. So here it is…

If You’re Happy and You Know It.

Beloved childhood ditty. With a four-year-old and an eleven-month-old in the house, I hear this song anywhere from 27 to 612 times per day. Sometimes I wake up and realize I’d been the one singing it.

The problem I have lies in the variations of the song. I grew up singing,

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. (x2)
If you’re happy and you know it AND YOU REALLY WANT TO SHOW IT,
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

That makes sense. Like, if I was so jacked about something I started spontaneously clapping my hands? I’d be friggin happy. And I’d know it.

But then there’s the variation which, quite frankly, I hear more these days than the above version. It’s the one in which the third phrase goes,

If you’re happy and you know it THEN YOUR FACE WILL SURELY SHOW IT…

What? Why are you saying that? Sure, I’m probably smiling if I’m happy. But I thought we were talking about the clapping. Or the stomping. Or the shouting HOORAY with reckless abandon. Why are you suddenly talking about my face? It seems irrelevant! I thought the whole point of the song was to say if I’m happy and I know it I’m gonna perform said action. The face thing seems a totally unnecessary and, frankly, confusing side-note. Why not just sing,

If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands… If you’re happy and you know it, HEY I NOTICED YOU’RE WEARING A RED SHIRT, If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.

It seems just as fitting.

So that’s it. God, that felt good. I’ve been just stewing in that one for a while now. Four years.

Now, I believe in freedom of opinion so, quite honestly, if you do decide you prefer to add the random tidbit about the face while I belt out, you know, the continuous train of thought, I will not judge you. In fact, we can harmonize our differences.

But I feel very strongly that… how can I put this respectfully… You are wrong. And I am right.


Das all! *simultaneously clapping hands and stomping feet*

P.S. I’m well aware of the fact that I started this post with “air my beef”. And yes, that is hilarious.